The following almost certainly never took place. But we can dream...
It is a dark and stormy night. Somewhere in the Necropolis, a phone rings. In a small windowless office, a bored four-armed demon is doing his talons. He answers the phone with his free hand.
"Watch Officer Grishnak."
"This is Savrishti. Get me Vecna."
The demon glances quickly at a note carved into the back of his hand. "He's in a meeting right now." A talon hovers over a relatively unscarred patch of skin. "I can take a message."
A small bolt of lightning leaps out of the receiver, striking the demon between two of his eyes.
"This is important. I need to speak to Vecna right now."
"Uh, yes, sir, right away sir." Grishnak grabs two wires, examines them briefly, and plunges them into a small flayed corpse sitting on the edge of the desk. The corpse twitches.
Darting a furtive glance around the room, Grishnak leans close to the corpse and listens. After several buzzing rings, an obviously female voice answers.
"Hel-lo, this is Lord Vecna." The voice dissolves into giggles.
A male voice, blurry with sleep, is heard saying, "Give me that. Who is this?"
"Savrishti, oh dreadful Lord."
"I told you never to call me at the office. This better be good."
The female voice can be heard in the background, laughing. "Oh Veckie, I've got your hand!"
"Yes, Lord, I can hear how busy you are."
Vecna's voice takes on a warning note. "Savrishti..."
"Uh, yes Lord. Sorry Lord."
"Have you completed your mission? That must be it. Splendid, just send everything along by courier. Wait, in fact, why not bring it yourself? I'm sure we can find something to amuse you here."
A female voice squeals, "Oooo, your nails are sharp!"
There is a brief silence. Savrishti clears his throat nervously.
"Well?"
"Great Lord, I do have news." He falls silent again.
"Yesssss?" A muffled "Put that down!" is heard, and an answering "Awwwwwwww...."
"Lord Vecna --" The rest comes out in a rush. "They burned down the warehouse, and they slew my flesh golem! The river dragon's wounded, and I can't find the book --"
"Savrishti..."
"-- and then they burned my secret room, and --"
"Savrishti!"
"-- and the ambassador's dead, and I think Blunt is too. And the songs they're singing about me!" Choked sobs fill the air.
"SAVRISHTI! Pull yourself together, fiend. Are you a necromancer or a mouse?"
Savrishti hiccups, and faintly replies, "Yes, Lord."
"Were you besieged? Whose army was it?"
"There was no army, Lord --"
"Did you annoy the thieves guild? They can be very touchy if they're not paid off."
"No, but --"
"Then it must have been supporters of the king."
"Um, not exactly."
"Well, out with it then! What happened?"
A petulant voice whines "Veckie, I'm bored." There is a sudden thump and some thrashing and gurgling, which gradually fades over the next few minutes.
The watch officer starts, nervously clutching at his throat, and hastily begins shuffling some papers. At the sound of Savrishti's voice, however, he stops and leans forward again.
Savrishti speaks in a hesitant tone. "My Lord, there was this paladin, and he and his retainers --"
Vecna's voice has gone quiet and menacing. "Our connection must be going bad. I could have sworn you said paladin."
"Well, he didn't say he was a paladin, but --"
"Savrishti, the Archimandrite has not engrailed any new paladins for the last hundred years. I know this. In fact I think I still have the last one's heart around here somewhere. I use it as a doorstop."
"But Lord, he turned my zombies -- they were blasted to flinders."
"That is unusual, I admit, but it's certainly not conclusive. I'm sure there are still a few senile churchmen who can summon up a bit of power if they need to. You're getting worked up over nothing."
"And... and... I think... I think he Called the Light."
Silence.
"Lord, did you hear --"
"I heard you."
"Lord, what should I --"
"I'm thinking."
"Yes, Lord, of course, Lord."
Another silence.
"Savrishti."
"Yes, Lord?"
"I'll have to get back to you on this. Tell no one. Keep on as before."
"But Lord, my warehouse --"
"Would you rather I transferred you somewhere else? Perhaps you'd prefer Tellek? Lots of mages there, I hear."
"No, Lord, I'm very happy, Lord, I'll get right back to work."
"You do that. I must say, I'm disappointed in you, Savrishti."
"<gulp>"
"Next time you call, I expect to hear more... encouraging news."
"Yes Lord, of course Lord, I --"
*click*
Grishnak leans away from the corpse, nonchalantly whistling as he sits back down at his desk. He is examining his talons when he hears the voice.
"Eavesdropping again, Grishnak? Tsk tsk. And you were such a promising young demon, too."
The screams go on for a long time.